The Bensidy Saga: Break-Up, Make-Up
by KoliMouse
Summary: -I'm sorry, Bri. I can't keep living in a place where I don't feel loved. You will always have a place in my heart. I don't know what happened, if a part of you believes Lewis when he said what he did about those four days, that I wanted it. You don't like kissing me anymore. We don't kiss, we don't make love, we're just… there.- Rated for content & language, Bensidy pairing.
1. She Wouldn't Be Gone

**This is an idea that popped into my head based on a request for a one word one shot, "Reunion". This is the Bensidy Saga of their break up &amp; reunion, with some songs aiding in the telling of the tale. This first one is the break up. **

**Lyrics: She Wouldn't Be Gone- Blake Shelton**

* * *

_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you  
Took you home, set you on the counter  
Oh, at least a time or two.  
Maybe she'd thought it through._

Brian walked into the apartment he shared with his girlfriend and called to her. "Liv, babe?" He got no response. This concerned him; she wasn't supposed to be working today. She was supposed to be off. So, why wasn't she here? Immediately his mind jumped to Lewis. Lewis had her and was torturing her again and he had failed in protecting her, in saving her, for the second time.. He immediately ran through the apartment looking for her, and he realized something. Most of her things were gone. Her shower things, a good deal of her clothes, her jewelry, everything.

His heart stopped for a moment. "No," he whispered to himself. She told him a few times over the past few months that if things didn't change, she was out. It wasn't the physical distance that was the problem, she could handle that. It was the emotional distance. They rarely spoke anymore. Since the trial they'd had sex only a handful of times, and they had cuddled even fewer times. They didn't sit on the couch and kiss anymore. They had grown too comfortable, complacent even. In this moment it was obvious to Brian that she was done. She had finally had enough and was gone for good.

He felt the tears sting his eyes. "She didn't even say goodbye. How am I supposed to fight for her if she doesn't give me the chance?" He shook his head and wiped away his eyes. "I need to find her, and promise her things will be different." He picked up his phone and started calling anyone he could think of, anyone she might go to.

* * *

Olivia stood outside of Amanda's door, tears in her eyes, as she reached up to knock on the door. She smiled gently when the blonde opened the door. "Liv?" Amanda asked.

She nodded. "I know this is short notice and I don't want to burden you but can I stay with you for a little bit?"

"Absolutely, is everything okay?"

Olivia shrugged. "I left Brian," she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, her lip quivered and a sob escaped her throat.

Amanda opened the door wider and helped her friend inside. "Hey, come on, have a seat. You want a drink?"

Olivia sat on the couch and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, I guess. Whatever you got."

Amanda poured them some whiskey and walked over to her and sat next to her. "Here," she said gently, handing Olivia the glass. "So tell me, what happened? I thought you two were so happy?"

Olivia let out a small scoff and shrugged. "I love him, Amanda, I really, really do. More than anything, but…" she shook her head. "Since the trial, he's been so emotionally distant. I know this may be a little TMI, but do you know how many times we've sat on the couch and made out for hours on end? We used to do that all the time. He used to like kissing me." She looked down at her lap. "I think he believed what Lewis said about me. That I wanted it all, that I wanted to do the drugs and drink and I was in this hyper aroused frenzy. I don't know if all of him believes that, but I think a part of him does and I just…" she let her head fall into her hands and she just cried, letting out sobs as she did so. "I want the Brian back that I had before the trial, before everything. I just want to feel like he loves me."

Amanda gently rubbed her back. "I get it, Liv," she whispered. "You have a place here as long as you need one. Frannie and I are happy to have you," she smiled gently. Amanda's phone rang and she looked down at it. "It's him," she said softly.

Olivia looked at Amanda. Part of her wanted to take the phone, answer it, and talk to Brian and let him talk her into going back, listen to the promises that would only wind up being broken at some point. "Don't tell him I'm here," she whispered. "Please, I can't handle it right now."

Amanda nodded and answered the phone. "Rollins." She listened to Brian's frantic voice. "No, no Brian. I haven't seen her since yesterday, she was off today." She leaned back and ran a hand over her face. "I'm sure she's fine, but if I see her I'll tell her to call you." She nodded. "No problem, keep me posted." She hung up and put her phone on the table.

Olivia looked over at her. "You're good at that. Like too good."

Amanda looked over at her. "I have an addiction, Liv. Lying is something you get good at. Something you get good at quick if you know what's good for you."

Olivia nodded. "Point taken."

Amanda looked over at her. "You want the bed?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't want to kick you out of your own bed, Amanda."

The younger blonde shook her head. "Nah, I was gonna crash on the couch anyway. My back is killing me. The firmness of the couch helps it," she lied.

"Are you lying to me?"

Amanda smirked. "That, Sergeant, is for me to know and you to never find out."

"Touché."

She stood up. "Well, bedroom is in there, bathroom's here. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I'm going to change real quick."

Olivia smiled. "Hey Amanda, thanks again. I know this was spur of the moment."

She nodded and smiled. "Maybe it'll be good for the both of us. Help you out when you need it, help keep me outta trouble."

* * *

Brian called everyone he knew that might have had contact with Olivia (however long it had been since he had seen her). He called Amanda, Nick, Fin, Cragen, Munch, and he had even called Elliot. He went to the bars she went to when she needed to clear her head, he went to the precinct. He went anywhere and everywhere she could be, anywhere she might go. He was speeding through the city, frantically trying to find her. He couldn't lose her. He didn't know what to do without her in his life. He needed her.

He drove until the sun came up, and he still hadn't found her. He just hoped she was somewhere in Jersey, or Connecticut, or Maryland, he hoped she was safe and wasn't in harm's way. When he finally got back to the apartment, he took his phone out and texted her.

_I'm sorry baby. If I could go back and change it I would. I can't imagine my life without you. I know I screwed up, but baby please come back. I need you._

He put his phone on the charger and lay in bed, his stomach in knots. He wanted to sleep, but at the same time he wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms right now, smell her hair, kiss her lips, kiss her body. The tears started to stream down his face. He rolled over, curled up on his side, and buried his head in her pillow, smelling her scent. He wondered if this is what Olivia did when he was gone? If this how she made it through the nights?

Eventually he fell asleep. A few hours later he woke up, forgetting the night before, expecting to hear her quietly padding around the apartment. He got up and quickly realized that their once warm, cozy apartment was cold and empty. There wasn't a love that was here anymore. He stood at the counter, gripping it. "She's got to come back. I can't live like this."

Then he remembered the text message. He ran to his phone and picked it up, seeing that he had a text from Olivia.

_I'm sorry, Bri. I can't keep living in a place where I don't feel loved. You will always have a place in my heart. I don't know what happened, if a part of you believes Lewis when he said what he did about those four days, that I wanted it. You don't like kissing me anymore. We don't kiss, we don't make love, we're just… there._

He sighed, knowing she was right. He wasn't sure they could work this out through text but she was talking to him and it was better than knowing nothing. He just needed to keep talking to her. He needed to keep telling her that everything would be different, because if he got her back he'd do anything to make sure he never lost her again.

_I know, baby. I know. I haven't been the best boyfriend since the trial and I am so sorry, but please believe me when I tell you that not one ounce of me believes what that monster said. I know you didn't want that. I love kissing you, Olivia. I love making love to you. I love everything about you. I drove around all night last night trying to find you because I just want you back in my arms. I needed to be sure you were safe._

He saw that she read it, and she was typing. She was typing for what seemed to be forever. Maybe she was laying out her terms for coming back. She had to be. He knew she loved him. He needed her here because he couldn't function without her. Finally the text came through.

_I love you, Brian, you know I do. You know that I love everything about you with every fiber of my being, and this is killing me. I can't do this anymore, I can't live in a place where I don't feel that my love is reciprocated. Maybe the best thing for us right now is to take some time apart. Take a break. Let our hearts heal. I promise you I'm safe, and maybe one day we can be back in each other's arms. I'm sorry, Brian. I love you, goodbye._

He must have read that text message a million times. He couldn't look away from his phone. She had just broken up with him. They weren't officially "over", they were "on a break". That still meant that she wouldn't be here, that he would no longer come home to her every night, that he wouldn't have the opportunity to wrap her in his arms and kiss her all night long. He wouldn't have the opportunity to make love to her until the sun came up, hear her moaning his name, how much she loved him and what he did to her. He wouldn't feel her nails dig into the skin of his back as her back arched clear off the bed as her orgasm wracked her body.

She was perfect, and he wouldn't have the chance to tell her that. He just wanted to turn the clock back by 48 hours, so he could kiss her one more time. So he could make love to her one more time. So he could tell her over and over again that he loved her with everything he had in him, maybe then, she wouldn't be gone, and he wouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out how to get her back, how to prove to her that he loves her.

* * *

Olivia cried herself to sleep the first night. She woke up to the text from Brian, and it took everything in her to put her foot down and say "No, I need this time; I need this time for my heart to heal." She felt like such a bitch, much like she did all those years ago when she turned him away. But she also knew this was different, so much different. She wasn't pushing him away because she didn't want to face her true feelings for him. She was putting some distance between them so that they could reevaluate that this relationship was what they truly wanted and that it would be productive, not just safe.

Safety was important, but so was adventure, and so was feeling loved. She hadn't felt that sense of adventure that feeling of being loved in what felt like forever, but was really only a couple of months. At a time where she needed nothing but love and support from her boyfriend, she felt as though she was getting nothing but arguments and stress. She just wanted to come home at night from a day of dealing with the shit she saw every day, and get wrapped up in his arms, their lips, tongues, and limbs tangled together before they relaxed together as he stroked her hair. She missed the days where that was their norm, make out sessions, hot passionate sex, and cuddling.

She knew that their relationship was more than just sex. She knew that in her heart, but when she had a bad day at work, she didn't mind working it out in the bedroom. It always let her get her frustrations out. Lately, when he _was_ home, he didn't seem interested. There were days when she wanted him to push her against the wall and capture her lips in a searing kiss, but she knew he wouldn't, not afterLewis. He didn't want to trigger her, so he always preferred that she initiate sex. On the rare occasion that he initiated sex, it was always gentle, and sometimes she just wanted him to be rough.

This time apart from Brian was killing her. She wanted to, _needed to_, have this conversation with Brian but she also needed to stand her ground so Brian knew she was serious when she said that things had to change. If things didn't change quickly Olivia knew that she couldn't live like this forever but if Brian was willing to get his act together and make her feel the way he used to before he took his job at IAB, she would be willing to overlook the fact that he was working more than she cared for, because at the end of the day she could look forward to Brian coming home to her. She could overlook anything and everything because she knew deep down in her heart that she loved this man more than she was sometimes willing to admit.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! This is just the first chapter, of five. Next chapter will be Olivia's POV, how she's dealing &amp; handling the break up. You can also find me on Twitter! UnbrokenBarista. Stay tuned!**


	2. It Ain't Pretty

**I'm glad there seems to be such a positive response to this story, it really drove me to write this chapter faster because, like all of you, I want to get to the make up. But this chapter is from Olivia's point of view, how she's dealing with the break up and what she's doing. Because a little Jazz and some whiskey never hurt anyone... right? Enjoy. xx A HUGE thank you to my Beta, Chana (BensidyBaby)!**

**Lyrics: It Ain't Pretty - Lady Antebellum**

* * *

_I just bought a drink.  
(It ain't pretty)  
I just kissed a boy.  
(It ain't pretty)  
I just called a cab._

It was Saturday night, Olivia and Brian had been broken up for about a month and a half, and she needed to get out of Amanda's apartment, so she was going out for a relaxing evening on the town. She wasn't planning on picking anyone up, tonight was all about her. She looked in the mirror and applied her lipstick. It wasn't her usual neutral shade though, it was a bright red that really made her lips pop. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked at herself in the mirror, smiling at her skirt that fell just above her knee and her top that showed just enough of her body without her looking too easy. She slipped into her heels and walked out into the living room, smiling at Amanda. "How do I look?"

"Wow. Liv, you look incredible. You sure you ain't lookin' to pick someone up?"

She rolled her eyes. "Tonight's not about getting some guy's rocks off, it's about me. I'm just going to have a few drinks. You sure you don't want to tag along?"

"Yeah, I should stay home and finish this paperwork."

"Okay, well, I'll see you later. Don't work too hard," she teased, grabbing her purse, and her keys and walking out of the apartment. She walked out to her car and climbed in, driving the twenty some blocks to an off the beaten path jazz club that not many people knew about. She liked the atmosphere here, there weren't a bunch of rowdy, horny, drunken jerks on the dance floor grinding and hoping to pick up a piece of tail.

She smiled at the Bouncer, Tony, who nodded at her, letting her past the velvet rope without waiting in the line that had formed outside. Tony always let her in, no cover, no waiting. She walked to the end of the bar and sat down, smiling at Janet, the bartender. "Olivia, long time no see, the usual?"

"Hey, Janet, you know I think I need something a little stronger tonight."

"What are you thinking?"

"SoCo and lime on the rocks."

"You got it, baby girl."

Olivia chuckled. Janet was at least fifteen years younger than her, but she had a mama bear quality about her. Olivia played mama bear all day long, so it was a nice break to have someone else be the mama for a change. Janet quickly made her drink and placed it in front of her. "Thanks," Olivia said with a sad smile.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Brian," she whispered.

"He under again?"

Olivia shook her head and then shrugged. "I don't know," she whispered, fighting the tears. "I haven't seen him in a month and a half. I ended it. I couldn't handle the emotional distance anymore."

Janet rested her hand over Olivia's. "You're a strong woman, Liv. You got this. In the meantime, let Mama J take care of you. That SoCo will definitely help."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, thanks." She raised her glass and tipped it gently towards Janet. "Cheers." She took a sip and closed her eyes, feeling the burn in her esophagus. She let the music flow in her ears and she smiled gently.

After a few more drinks and countless pieces of music filtering through the speakers, Olivia was feeling better, much better. That's when he walked in. The 6'5", green eyed, slightly tanned and drop dead sexy defense attorney she'd despised since the day she laid eyes on him, but right now the only thing that mattered was that he was fucking hot. She saw him walk over and he smiled that perfect smile. "Detective," he smiled.

"Actually, counselor, it's Sergeant now," she said, taking another sip of her drink.

"Well, congratulations," he said as he slid onto the barstool next to her. She smiled at him and looked him over. "So, what's a badass Sergeant like you doing in a place like this?"

"Biker bars told me I was too soft," she grinned. "But I think the more important questions is what is a suave defense attorney like you doing using a line like that?"

"That wasn't a line."

"Yeah, Trevor, it was." She smiled and finished her drink.

Janet walked over. "Another?" Olivia nodded. "You're not driving are you?"

"Come on, Janet, you know better than to ask me that."

Janet smirked and poured her another. Trevor looked between the two women. Janet looked at him. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Um, whatever the lady is having."

Olivia smirked. "Think you can handle the whiskey, Trev?"

"Please," he scoffed, taking a sip when his drink was put in front of him and he coughed. "Jesus."

Olivia chuckled. She looked at him. "So, what brings you here?"

"I heard they play good music."

She smiled. "They do." She took a sip of her drink.

"You come here a lot?"

She nodded. "It's been a while," she said as she bit her bottom lip. "But, I'm on a first name basis with most of the staff here. They like me because I like to talk, don't start trouble."

"I wouldn't say that," Janet interrupted.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Much trouble."

Trevor chuckled and heard the song that filtered through the stereo, Harry Connick Jr.'s _One Fine Thing_ played through the speakers. "Feel like a dance."

"Oh, I don't—"

Janet looked at them. "Go, Liv, I'll watch your drink."

Olivia glared at Janet. "Fine," she said, stepping off her stool. She let Trevor lead her to the dance floor and wrap his arms around her. Maybe it was the whiskey, maybe it was the song, maybe it was that she was so lonely for so long, but being in his arms felt good. She wrapped her arms around him and swayed with him.

Trevor looked down at her and caressed her face. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt a chill run down her spine. Trevor smiled and let his thumb run over her bottom lip and she opened her eyes looking into his. Trevor looked from her eyes to her lips. He spun her around and dipped her before bringing her back up, his hand resting between her shoulder blades, their faces millimeters apart. She felt his breath on her lips and she gasped. He closed the space between their lips and tangled his fingers in her hair.

She stiffened for a moment, but quickly relaxed. She wrapped her arms tighter around him and let out a gentle moan as the kiss continued. She rested her hands on either side of his face as their tongues started to mesh together. She could taste the whiskey on his tongue, the small hint of lime and something else she couldn't name, something that was just inexplicably Trevor. She never expected him to taste this good. It was nice, it was what she needed.

Just as she was getting lost in the heat of the moment, the song she and Brian had dubbed 'theirs' came filtering through the speakers. She heard the beginning lyrics of _It Had to be You_ come over the speakers and she pulled away and gasped, covering her mouth. "I'm sorry, I—" she shook her head.

Trevor ran a hand over her arm. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, I can't—" she took a deep breath and pulled away from his grasp and ran to the ladies room. She gripped the counter and sobbed. She saw a younger girl spilling her beer all over the place and she closed her eyes and tried to compose herself. She dabbed her eyes and took a deep breath. After a few moments she walked back to the bar, hearing the Billie Holiday's _My Man_ playing. She couldn't catch a break.

She scoffed and sat back on her stool, looking at Janet who slid her the drink she'd kept behind the bar before her. "That was a hell of a lip lock."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "It was nothing," she whispered.

Janet looked at her. "You ran to the bathroom pretty quick when _It Had to be You_ came on," Janet pointed out.

"Did I?" Olivia asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"You still love him," Janet whispered.

Olivia looked blankly into Janet's eyes. "Of course I do. Janet, I will always love Brian Cassidy, until the day that I die."

"Then why'd you leave?"

"I couldn't take the emotional distance anymore. I can handle the nights apart, but when we're together, we're just there. We're not cuddling, we're not kissing, we're not making love. We're existing in the same room separately, and I don't want a relationship like that," she shook her head, taking a sip of her drink. "Kissing Trevor was nice, but it wasn't the same. It's not what I want. I want Brian to be kissing me like that. It's been so long since he's kissed me like that, since I've gotten lost in one of his kisses."

"Did you tell him that?"

"There's a lot I haven't told him, Janet. We stopped talking."

"I think you two need to sit down and talk, something tells me he still loves you too."

"What, you're psychic now?"

"I saw you two together. He had just as much love in your eyes as you did in yours. Those aren't just feelings you forget."

She finished her drink and sighed. "You're right. I know we need to talk, I've just been afraid to," she whispered, fighting tears again. "What if he realized he can do better than me? Because he can, he can do so much better than me, he's so perfect, he's so loving and caring, and I let it all go," she buried her head in her hands and she sobbed.

Janet rested a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, baby girl, you just described you. I don't think you can get any better than Sergeant Olivia Benson."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "You mean that?"

Janet nodded. "I do, and you know I don't blow smoke. Mama J always tells the truth."

Olivia chuckled. "I should call him," she said, pulling out her phone.

Janet put her hand over Olivia's. "When you're sober. Drunk dialing the guy you're trying to get back with is never a good idea."

Olivia nodded. "I guess maybe I should call a cab then."

Janet smiled and nodded. "Good idea."

Olivia paid for her drinks, leaving a tip for Janet and she walked out of the club, smiling at Tony. She called herself a cab, feeling the raindrops on her exposed skin. She took a deep breath and felt the tears run down her face. Her feet were beginning to hurt; she was unsteady on her feet in the stilettos she wore. She took them off and held them in her hand. When the cab pulled up she gave a small smile back at Tony who waved. She climbed in the back of the cab.

"Where to Miss?"

_Brian's arms_, she thought, but she instead gave Amanda's address, knowing that Janet was right. If she was going to have this conversation with Brian she needed to be sober for it. She owed him that much, she owed herself that much. She walked back up to Amanda's apartment, entering with the key Amanda gave her. She quietly closed and locked the door and saw Amanda asleep on the couch, Frannie at her feet. She smiled gently and walked to the bedroom and changed into her pajamas. She climbed into the bed and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning she woke up with a wicked hangover. She walked out and saw Amanda cooking in the kitchen. She turned around. "Hey, sleepy head."

Olivia groaned. "You're too chipper for," she said, looking at her watch. "11:30." She let her head fall on top of her arms on the counter. "I feel like death."

"Too much to drink?"

Olivia picked her head up. "I think I had four SoCo and limes on the rocks, but I don't even know," she whined.

Amanda smiled. "It ain't pretty when a heart breaks," she said softly. "Let me get you something for the hangover."

Olivia nodded and let out a breath. She pulled out her phone and opened her texts, hitting Brian's name, seeing the last text she sent him, the last text he sent her. It tugged at her heart, made it hurt that much more.

_Hey, we need to talk. –Liv _

Her finger hovered over the send button as she stared at the words she'd just typed that were now glaring back at her.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading, you know what to do, leave a review! Here or on Twitter, UnbrokenBarista. Up next, did Olivia send the text message? We'll find out!**


	3. Wake Up Lovin' You

**Here's part three, this is how Brian's dealing with the break up! We're getting closer to the reunion and make up! I realize most of you are going to hate me at some point in this chapter, but I promise to make up for it! A big thank you to my beta, BensidyBaby (Chana!) Enjoy!**

**Lyrics- Wake Up Lovin' You; Craig Morgan**

* * *

_Remember when I told you I was never gonna stop  
Lovin' you with all my heart and soul no matter what?  
Now it seems I'm breaking every promise that I made.  
'Cause every night I'm desperate  
Askin' God if He would just let me forget it.  
But I wake up lovin' you._

Tucker walked over to Brian's desk and leaned against it. "Cassidy."

Brian snapped out of his thoughts. In the month and a half since he and Olivia had been broken up, she consumed his thoughts at every time during the day. "Yeah?"

"Cassidy, you need to get out, get your mind off Benson. It's been a month and a half. Get out there, take some random girl home for some no strings sex. Get your head back in the game."

Brian looked at him like he had ten heads. "No offense, but are you high? I can't do that."

"What, the equipment doesn't work anymore? Come on."

"You're ordering me to have a one night stand?"

"Unless you'd like to spend the rest of your days on desk duty, it's strongly suggested."

"You really are an asshole."

"Think about it, okay?"

"Whatever," Brian said, looking down at the file on his desk. "You know what, I'm out of here. I can't do this right now." He stood up from his desk, grabbed his coat and walked past Tucker without another word, taking the elevator down to street level, walking back to the apartment he shared with Olivia for six months before their break up. He walked in and looked around. It wasn't the same without her. The once warm and cozy apartment was empty and cold. All he wanted was to have her back, holding her in his arms.

He walked to the refrigerator and took a beer out, starting to drink. It was only four, but he didn't care. He just needed to get her face out of his mind. He sat on the couch drinking, eating the leftovers he had in the fridge. He stared at his phone, at her name. He wanted to call her, text her. He wanted some sort of contact. He just missed her. By the time ten o'clock rolled around he'd polished off a twelve pack and was thoroughly drunk. He stumbled into the bed that he shared with Olivia and pulled her pillow to his chest, falling into a deep sleep.

Brian woke up the next morning, Saturday. He reached over to the empty side of the bed and realized she was still gone. His heart hurt, his head hurt, and he just wanted to wake up from this insane nightmare. He trudged out of bed and walked to the bathroom, getting some aspirin, and then walking into the kitchen, taking the two pills with a glass of water. He groaned and walked over to the couch.

That night, he decided that rather than staying home and moping he would go out for a night on the town. He put on jeans and a dark dress shirt and headed out to the club. After having a few drinks, Brian began skimming the sea of faces of the fellow lonely and heartbroken, until his eyes made contact with a woman at the end of the bar. He walked over to her and smirked. "What's a girl as pretty as you doing sitting alone on a Saturday night?"

She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him. "Waiting for a charming man to sweep me off my feet." She batted her eyes at him.

Brian looked at the brunette beauty, her green eyes smiling back at him. "Well, I'm not good at sweeping, but you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time."

The woman giggled. "Well, charm is something you are good at, I see."

Brian slid onto the bar stool next to her, his signature smirk gracing his lips. "So, does the most beautiful woman in the room have a name?"

Her smile only grew. "Alexis, but the cute guys get to call me Lexi," she winked. "And what about you, the most handsome guy in the room, what can I call you?"

Brian ran his hand over her arm. "Well, my boss calls me Cassidy, but the pretty ladies call me Brian," he grinned.

Lexi bit her bottom lip. "Well Brian, I happen to be in the mood to dance, feel like joining me?" she asked, tilting her head, her long hair moving effortlessly.

Brian stood up and held out his hand for her. "That sounds wonderful." She took his hand and he brought her out to the dance floor. House music beats came through the speakers and Lexi turned so her back was to him. Brian had the chance to see her outfit, the tight jeans that hung low on her hips, the tube top that left her midriff and her back exposed. He saw the tattoo on her low back, the butterfly surrounded by tribal artwork. His hands gripped her hips as they moved to the beat.

Lexi moaned softly feeling him against her ass. She turned in his arms, still moving against him. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" she asked, her lips close to his.

He smirked and pulled her closer to his body. "You want to find out Lexi?"

She bit her bottom lip. "If you think you can handle me, once I get going, I can last all night long," she whispered before crashing her lips against his.

Brian groaned and tangled his fingers in her hair as he kissed her, moving his hips with hers. He broke the kiss and smiled. "How about we get out of here?" he whispered in her ear.

She smirked and led him back to the bar, linking their fingers. He threw some money on the bar and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they walked out. "So where are we headed, big boy?"

Brian looked over at her. "I have a nice little apartment not far from here, what do you say?"

Lexi just smiled and they quickly made their way back to Brian's apartment on foot. He walked in the door to the building and hit the button for the elevator. Once they stepped on and the doors closed, Lexi pressed Brian up against the wall of the elevator and captured his lips once more. His hands rested on her hips, gently stroking the skin. She moaned into his mouth and pushed her tongue past his lips.

The elevator dinged on his floor and he broke the kiss, taking her hand and walking her to the front door of the apartment. He opened the door and pulled her inside, closing the door and immediately pushing her up against it. "You, Lexi, are so incredibly sexy."

She bit her bottom lip and turned around so her back was to him. "Untie my shirt?" she asked.

He gladly obliged, seeing the material fall to the floor. He kissed her neck and shoulders. She moaned and turned around. He looked over her, massaging her breasts. "Fuck," he groaned.

She looked into his eyes, lust written all over her face. "Fuck me, daddy. I like it rough. I want you to fuck my pussy with your big, thick, cock."

Brian looked at her, stunned. Olivia liked to talk dirty, but never this dirty, and he'd never been called daddy before. But the alcohol had gone to his head, and his penis, and in that moment he didn't care. He just wanted to forget. He pinned her wrists against the door and kissed her neck, biting gently. She moaned and struggled against his hands. He looked at her. "How rough do you like it?" he asked in her ear.

She moaned. "Mm, baby I'm like a porn star, I like any way you can give it, and anywhere you like it." She started unbuttoning his shirt. "I'll suck you first, and then you can fuck my pussy and then my ass, fill me up daddy." She giggled and bit on his neck.

He groaned and ran his hands over her body. "God I want you, Lexi."

She took his hand. "Take me to bed." She giggled. He led her into the bedroom, their lips attached the whole way. She broke the kiss and pushed her jeans over her hips, leaving her in just her G-string that barely covered her shaved mound. She lay on the bed and bit her bottom lip. "Come get me daddy. I've been a bad girl, punish me."

He looked at her and all of a sudden, his head cleared. "I—Lexi, I can't. I'm sorry."

She furrowed her brow. "What's wrong, don't you want me?" she asked running her hand over her body.

"Lexi, please, don't do this." He said shaking his head, picking up her pants and handing them to her. "I think it's best you go."

Lexi rolled her eyes and put her pants on. "Pity, you'd have been fun." She walked out of the bedroom and put her top back on, looking back at him. "She's a lucky woman, whoever she is."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, no guy I know is going to pass up all this, so you must be involved with someone. Like I said, she's a lucky woman."

Brian rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, yeah, I'm the lucky one. Get home safe, okay?"

Lexi nodded and left. Brian locked the door behind her and fell against the door. "What the fuck just happened?" he asked himself in a whisper. He went into the bedroom and looked at the bed. He couldn't do it. He couldn't have sex with another woman on the bed he'd shared with Olivia. Even though they were on a break, they weren't together, he felt like he was cheating on her.

Nothing about Lexi felt right. Her kisses seemed forced, her breasts were fake, and she compared herself to a porn star. But more importantly than anything else, she wasn't Olivia. He ran his fingers over the comforter and sat down, covering his face with his hands. "I need to get her back," he whispered to himself.

He went into the bathroom and showered, his mind clearing up even more. He put on pajama pants and sat on the bed. He needed to think. He made a list of things he needed to do to get her back. He looked at the number one thing on the list, he knew he needed to get out of IAB, that was contributing to not just the physical distance, but the emotional distance. They couldn't talk about work with his current job, and because that contributed to much of her stress, it meant they couldn't work out the problems before they became problems.

He picked up his phone and dialed. "It's Cassidy. No, Tucker, you listen here, I'm done. I'm done with IA, so you either transfer me to a different unit or I'm handing in my papers, and I'm done with the NYPD." He could tell Tucker was stunned. "I don't care if that means I'm back in the Bronx Courthouse, I need to focus on more important things right now." He let out a relieved breath. "Fine, we'll talk Monday." He hung up and lay back. He prayed this would work in his favor, if not, he would find something else.

He rolled on his side and looked out the window letting out a small sigh. He pulled Olivia's pillow closer to him and stared out the window for hours. He saw the sun come up over the buildings and he took a deep breath. He flung an arm over his eyes and relaxed. He eventually got up and made himself a cup of coffee and breakfast. He sat at the breakfast nook eating, thinking.

Once he finished eating, he cleaned up and sat on the couch, watching TV. Around quarter to twelve his phone went off. He looked down and saw Olivia's name with a text that read,

_We need to talk. –Liv_

He immediately texted back, his heart beating out of his chest.

_I was thinking the same thing, Liv. Just name the time and place and I'll be there._

He was so glad that she reached out to him. The silence between them was almost too much to bear. He looked at his phone and saw that she'd read his message, and then a little bubble with the three dots popped up, indicating that she was typing a response to him. His heart began to pound as he looked read her response.

_The apartment? Tuesday, say 6:00? -Liv_

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**Thanks for reading, please review, here or on Twitter, UnbrokenBarista! Next up, the reunion.**


	4. What's Left of Me

**Well, after last night's "I love you" and subsequent what I'm dubbing as a_ temporary_ break up (because I refuse to believe it's permanent) I knew that this chapter had to be posted ASAP. As I was going through some songs last night, this one came up and I knew I had to use it, even though it wasn't the original plan (Originally I was going to use _Need You Now_ by Lady Antebellum). However, all things considered, I like how this one came out so much and I'm so proud.**

**Lyrics: _What's Left of Me_\- Nick Lachey**

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_It's falling faster  
Barely breathing  
Give me something  
To believe in  
Tell me: It's not all in my head.  
Take what's left  
Of this man.  
Make me whole  
Once again_

Olivia looked at herself in the mirror of the ladies room in the precinct. She made sure her make-up was perfect and that her outfit was presentable, even though she knew Brian wouldn't care. That was one thing he always told her, he found her sexy in sweats and one of his t-shirts with her hair tousled from sleep or sex, no make-up on. But tonight was different. They hadn't seen each other in over a month and she didn't want him to notice that she'd not been sleeping well, that she'd barely eaten, and that she spent most nights crying. It was 5:30, she needed to leave now if she had any hope of getting to the apartment on time. She pulled out her phone and sent him a quick text message.

_I'm on my way now. See you in 30._

Brian was looking in the mirror in the bathroom. His meeting with Tucker was a little awkward. Tucker was taken aback by how blunt he was, and that he was choosing a woman over his career. What Tucker didn't understand is that without Olivia he didn't have a career because he couldn't think about anyone but her, he couldn't focus. He had on a pair of dark wash jeans and a dark button down shirt. He opened a bottle of wine and brought out two glasses. He heard his phone ping and he smiled, seeing that Olivia was on her way. He tidied up a little more quickly before putting some soft jazz on the stereo. He heard a knock at the door and looked through the peep hole, seeing Olivia shuffling outside.

He opened the door. "Hey," he smiled. "You could have used your key."

She smiled when she saw him. "I didn't want to be rude."

He looked her over and he could tell that she'd gotten little sleep, she'd lost some weight but she still looked gorgeous. "You look incredible Liv," he whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

She blushed and turned her face so his lips landed on her cheek, closing her eyes. "So do you," she said softly. "Can I come in?" she asked softly. He was a little hurt when she turned her face away from him but he tried not to show it. He stepped aside and opened the door further and let her come in. "Bri, I'm sorry, I—" she let out a breath. "I want that too," she whispered, referring to his kiss. "But we need to talk. We've always been good at sex and everything leading up to it. What we're not good at is talking."

Brian nodded, he knew she was right. "What did you want to talk about?"

She took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than she thought. "We drifted apart, Brian," she shook her head. "And that scares the hell out of me. We're both to blame, and I want to fix it because even if you tell me I look incredible I know I look awful," she whispered. She had tears in her eyes and she was begging them not to fall. "And it's because I can't sleep without you next to me, I can't eat, I can't think. Bri I need you," she said, wiping away a few stray tears.

"Liv," he went to caress her face but he stopped, resting a hand on her shoulder instead. "Baby, I've made some changes."

Her heart broke and she looked at him. "Ch—changes? What changes Bri?"

"Not with my feelings, baby, never with my feelings. I uh, I left IA."

She breathed a sigh of relief and then her eyes shot open again. "You what? Bri, what?" she asked confused.

He smiled gently. "Ed Tucker is an asshole, and I was tired of him giving me these ultimatums. The last one broke the camel's back."

"What was it?"

"He wanted me to have a one night stand with some random woman to get over you or I'd be on desk duty for the rest of my career. I almost did, Liv. I couldn't do it. I—Well, I felt like I was cheating on you."

She let out a breath. "Well, I kind of… had a moment myself." She bit her bottom lip and looked down at her shoes as she shook her head. "I kissed Trevor Langan. We were at a bar and dancing to a Harry Connick Jr. song. I got wrapped up in the moment. And then _It Had to be You_ came on."

He gently lifted her chin. "Our song," he whispered. He took a deep breath and started speaking again. "I met a woman, Lexi, at a bar. She was everything a guy would want for a one night stand. Wild, hell she called herself a porn star." They shared a chuckle. "She asked me to take her to the bedroom and she lay on the bed in nothing but her g-string and I looked at her, and the first time we made love in that bed came rushing back to me. I couldn't soil that bed by having a meaningless one night stand in it."

She smiled gently. "So if you're not at IA anymore, where are you?"

"The Academy, well, I start next week. Tucker wouldn't transfer within the department but he said that NYPD didn't want to lose my talents, so he pulled a few strings and got me a job teaching the new recruits."

She smiled gently at him. "So, no more late nights?"

He shook his head and smiled. "No more late nights."

She bit her lip and smiled. "You gave up NYPD for me?"

"Olivia, I'd give up my life for you. I love you more than I could ever put into words."

She felt a tear slide down her cheek. She caressed his face and placed a small kiss on his lips and held it there for a moment. She broke the kiss and smiled, looking into his eyes. "You're the absolute greatest, Brian Cassidy."

"Right back at you, baby," he smiled, bringing his hands to cradle her face. He placed another kiss on her lips and let this one get deeper. Her lips felt so right against his. She moaned softly into the kiss before pulling away softly.

"Bri," she whispered.

"I know, but I needed to do that Liv. Baby, I've needed to feel your lips again since the day I realized you left."

She smiled and rested her forehead against his. "Me too," she looked into his eyes. "How about we sit down?"

"You just want to make out with me." He smirked.

She grinned. "Maybe eventually, but I just want to cuddle up with you right now, continue talking."

"What else did you want to talk about?"

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, her smile fading slightly. "Lewis," she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Brian kissed her forehead and took her hand, leading her to the couch. He sat down and she kicked her shoes off and sat next to him, resting her head on his lap. He stroked her hair and looked down at her. "You okay?"

She closed her eyes. "Yes… No. God, I don't know. Bri, these images… They're never going to leave you. The things he did to me you'll never get them out of your mind. I just don't want you to look at me any differently. I don't want you to stop loving me."

He pulled her up and looked at her face, seeing that she was crying. "Baby I'll never stop loving you. I saw what this bastard did to you emotionally. I saw the emotional turmoil, but Liv you survived it and you're so strong. Nothing you tell me could ever change the way I see you. Nothing, hear me?"

She nodded and fell into his chest, gripping his shirt as she cried. She took a few deep breaths and calmed herself down a bit and leaned against him. "He didn't rape me. He was close, but he didn't. He burned me, humiliated me. I was reliant on him for everything. Even going to the bathroom." She shook her head. "He cuffed me to a bed, he taunted me, shoved my gun in my mouth, made me beg for my life. It got to a point where he was ready to kill me and I had to buy time. God I hate myself for what I said to him, how I said it. The sick bastard probably thinks I wanted him." She shook her head. "I don't know what else to say, Bri. I want to tell you but I don't know how," she whispered.

He caressed her face, seeing her close her eyes, feeling her nuzzle into his hand, craving his touch. "Thank you," he whispered. "For opening up, even if it's just a little bit. Baby, I don't need everything, but I know more now than I ever have."

She nodded. "I'm sorry I never told you. I just… I didn't want you thinking of that happening to me. Not when we were trying to get our life. I didn't want you picture what he did to me while you were making love to me."

He kissed her nose gently, making her giggle slightly. "I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, Olivia, and I'm working on that because I can't lose you again. This past month and a half nearly killed me. I just need you to promise me that you're not going to shut down on me again."

She nodded and sniffled. "I promise."

He gently caressed her face and shook his head gently. "I missed you so much Liv. I felt like part of me was missing." He hugged her tightly and kissed her head. "I know it's not much, baby, but you have what's left of me."

She looked into his eyes and rested her forehead against his. "You give yourself too little credit Bri. You're the only one for me; you're not broken or damaged baby." She shook her head. "You're my everything," she smiled and kissed him passionately. She felt his hands move up her back and she straddled him, gently breaking the kiss and nuzzling into his neck.

He relished in the feel of having her in his arms once again. "Does this mean you're coming back?" he asked in a whisper against her hair. He felt her smile against his skin.

"If you'll have me," she whispered in his ear. She pulled away and looked into his hazel eyes. Her smile grew wider when she saw nothing but love staring back at her.

He smiled and ran his hands up to rest on her shoulders. "You know it baby," he whispered. He ran his hands up to tangle in her hair gently. "Your hair's grown out a little."

She grinned and looked at him. "Not as long as it was before, but it's getting there."

He kissed her collar bone gently. "I love it. But I don't care if you were bald, I would still love you, every inch," he whispered and ran his hands delicately over her body.

She bit her bottom lip and moaned softly. She grinned. "Really, maybe I'll go shave my head then." She said looking in his eyes.

"Please don't. I'll love you no matter what, but I love getting to do this," he whispered before pulling her into a passionate kiss, causing her to gasp. He tangled his fingers in her hair once again and pulled her body closer to his. She moaned into the kiss and ran her hands over his chest as their kiss continued.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, running her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. She flicked her tongue over his bottom lip begging for access to his mouth. He opened his mouth to her and she immediately started exploring his mouth with her tongue. She started to rock her hips into his, yearning to feel him. _It Had to be You_ filtered through the apartment and Olivia smiled and broke the kiss looking into his eyes as she gently whispered the lyrics in his ear.

He groaned at the feel of their hips coming together again, their tongues dancing, and her fingers knowing exactly where to touch to set his body aflame. He closed his eyes as she started to recite the lyrics of their song in tempo with the stereo. She pulled back and caressed her face gently. "Let me worship you tonight," he whispered, his eyes searching hers.

She smiled brightly and bit her bottom lip. She nodded. "Make love to me."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. The next chapter (which I think will be the last chapter, unless I decide to do an epilogue, still haven't decided) will be up soon! Please review, here or on Twitter, UnbrokenBarista. Stay tuned!**


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